Quiz: Are You a Gangster or a Marketer?


At events like Eloqua Experience, it’s easy to be so swept in the activities, presentations and of course, parties, that you start to forget you’re a marketer and start to feel just a little bit like a gangster. However, in the unlikely event that anyone gets taken in for police questioning (remember, jay walking is illegal in California), we want to make sure that everyone is crystal clear on their true identity.

If you’re not quite sure where you fit in, take this quiz and find out: Are you a gangster or a marketer?

  1. When you make someone an offer they can’t refuse, you:
    1. Hold a gun to their head
    2. Present the offer through a highly targeted, integrated campaign that leverages both display ad and website optimization
  2. When you hear “money laundering” you think of:
    1. The corner deli you operate as a cover for your real business
    2. The time you left a $20 bill in your J. Crew khakis after that networking event and sent them to dry cleaning
  3. When you encounter the competition encroaching on your turf, you:
    1. Do a little “drive by” the next day and fire a few warning shots for good measure
    2. Redirect them to the careers page on your website
  4. Your hero is:
    1. The Godfather
    2. Seth Godin
  5. You’ll feel like 2013 ended on a good note if you:
    1. Crushed someone who looked at you the wrong way in Q4
    2. Crushed it in Q4
  6. If you had accurately identified and expressed the errors made by the old timers in your industry, you would:
    1. Seek asylum with the Witness Protection Program
    2. Create a platform that enables your customers to leverage and benefit from your hands-on work and experience
  7. Once you’ve identified your target, your goal is to:
    1. Attract them to a dark ally, put cement boots on their feet and convert them to fish food
    2. Attract them to your website and convert them to a lead
  8. If you receive an exclusive invite from Demandbase to attend their Gangsters and Marketers Speakeasy Party on Oct 23 and you:
    1. Attend, decked out in your very best roaring 20’s garb, and bring your toughest bodyguards in case there’s any funny business.
    2. Attend, ready to get down with the DJ, and bring your best photo booth faces because you know that once we get the work done, this can be a funny business.

If you answered mostly As, you’re probably a gangster. Although you’re not our target audience and won’t factor into our reporting metrics, we thank you for reading. Please don’t hurt us.

If you answered mostly Bs, you’re probably a marketer. Maybe we’ll see you tonight at our Gangsters and Marketers Eloqua Experience Party!

If you scrolled to the bottom of this post but were in too much of a rush to answer any questions, we feel your pain. This video should cheer you up: